The Fire and The Edge

Alright it's the middle of the day and I have slept very little so I'm cranky as hell. So prepare for rage!
Hope I can get it out of the system and make the rest of the day better.

First off I'm gonna talk shit about people, real people, people I know, even my relatives. I don't know if any of those who I'm gonna mention even reads this blog but I don't give a shit. If you do then all the better!

As you all should already know I have several illnesses which prevents me from working, so I have a lot of free time. However a lot of that said free time I spend trying to endure the pain I have and a lot of that time I spend trying to find ways to get rid of any pain I can. Guess what, I would gladly work fucking 12 hours per day 7 days per week instead of having this pain and fucked up head. And yes I have thought of committing suicide and I still think the idea is not that bad. Those of you who fucking can't understand it can go fuck off and drown in a fucking lake! Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who get's the idea of throwing any pity my way I recommend that you bury that thought somewhere where I can't see/hear/feel/sense them or I will punch you in the throat.

Now my illnesses are pretty hard to understand and I get that many people can't get their head around it, I really really understand that. If you have the need to understand then asking me about it makes a lot of sense and I usually try to explain my situation. As I said it is hard to understand so I'm fully aware of that you probably need a couple of questions to get a grasp of it.
If you still don't understand or if you don't agree with something I do or something like that then you are allowed to ask or say so and we can discuss it further in a civilized matter.
If you STILL don't understand after X amount of time discussing then I think we have a stalemate. Going any further is pretty pointless. Now I feel you should just accept the fact that you don't understand the situation and we can move on to other things. If you do understand but disagree with anything then I feel we should agree to disagree and move on to other things.
Pretty good idea yeah? I think it's an awesome deal and I think most of you agree. THEN WHERE THE FUCK DO PEOPLE GET THE FUCKING IDEA OF DOING THE FUCKING OPPOSITE?!?!

Just to show you an example I was gonna link a facebook status I put up where one of my aunts wrote several things that was pretty upsetting. Funny thing is my friends found it more upsetting than I did. However either I just can't find it or I deleted it. Shame really. I'm gonna give you a quick summary of what it was all about. It was like 10ish in the evening and I put up a status saying "I'm bored anyone doing anything fun?". Now I was thinking of just chatting with someone who did something fun, if someone asked me to join them in whatever they did I would probably decline as it was pretty late in the evening. Then my aunt wrote something like "You should get a job cause you seem healthy enough bla bla bla" So I started explaining why that is impossible. Oh btw I have explained my situation a couple of times before this event. She continued with the negative comments, ignoring my attempts to reason with her. After a couple of tries and her continued beating I said that I will remove her from facebook so I don't have to see her useless comments. And so I did.
Now who died and gave her the fucking rights to beat down on me? I'm so fucking tired of hearing my relatives say things that they think is right but in reality I CANNOT FUCKING DO IT BECAUSE I AM FUCKING ILL! Hey wanna know what I think is the right thing for you to do? SHUT THE FUCK UP! Useless piece of trash.
Again you are allowed to think what you want but slap yourself in the face and realize that you don't create reality. Keep your shit to yourself. This applies to all of you.

... okay on to some other shit. I really dislike the things that happens around me at the time. I know I know most of them isn't about me and I don't think you guys mean for anything to be directed towards me. Know this... I do not want anything to do with this shit. Solve it on your own. But I'm 100% certain that I somehow for god knows what reason will get caught in the crossfire. Feels like I'm gonna lose a friend because of this and I don't really appreciate that. I don't take anyone's side as long as you don't hurt each other in any other way that isn't necessary.
Prediction: One of you will feel really bad when you read this but you probably shouldn't and one of you will not feel bad when you read this but you probably should.
Hate this childish shit....


I had hoped that this entry would make me feel better, you know get things off my chest. Can't say I feel any better, could have made everything worse.
Note to self: Next time blow something up instead... or stab someone in the eye.

   This is Captain Currently-Not-So-Awesome - signing out

The Tech and The PeeFlirt

Hello again my fellow douchebags!

Now I sincerely apologize for the lack of entries lately but my computer has had a... it kinda... Hell I'm gonna say it outright, it fucked me in the ass with Bluescreen of Death!! No computer for a month.. I think how death feels like now...
After many attempts to fix it I finally said fuck it and bought new parts! To actually disassemble the very thing that makes you angry is so satisfying I kid you not! Wish you could do that with humans.... hmm.... New York Times: "Captain Awesome killed his friend and chopped him up to tiny pieces! In his defence he said that he was gonna do some upgrades and put him together again"  ..... okay maybe not...
Say hi to my new rig! Asus Sabretooth P67 motherboard! YUM! 3,30GHz i5 processor (can be overclocked)! DOUBLE YUM! 8gb ram! well... not that good I guess. This goes well together with my earlier purchased Geforce 580 graphic card! All put together this rig is so amazing it almo- AAHHHH! ... Came in my pants.. give me 2 minutes...

Okay there we go, sorry about that...

So what have I been up to? Well I've been with Celina a lot. Been hanging out with Mini-Awesome and Miss-Awesomeness a lot too which makes me happy! They are so cute together that it almost makes me wanna throw up ;D
A special night worth mentioning is when Celina, Snail and I went over to Mr Alice's house! They got drunk and I got... funny... from my meds. Late at night we decided to play some 1v1v1 on Modern Warfare 2 with Amon Amarth in the background. Truly amazing! After Amon Amarth we played some Children of Bodom which led us to Backstreet Boys! ... Shut up I know what you're thinking... No questions allowed! -.-

Last saturday Celina, Mini and Awesomeness were at Medusa and had a nice time. Something weird happened though... I went to the bathroom. Took my place at the urinal and started emptying my beautiful hose. While standing there, this is all true by the way it's too stupid to make up, 2 girls came out of the toilet which you can actually close and lock... I was a bit surprised but meh fuck it. One girl passed me but the second one halted and said "Looking good there, you single?". I was like WTF is this really happening?! ... and of course I had nothing good to say so I just said "No sorry I'm not" which to she replied "Oh that's a shame.." then she smiled and walked out. Now I don't know about you but it's the first time someone has flirted with me in a club while I was peeing. I take it as a compliment but I already know my gear is awesome! Although a thank you is in order for the chick, I'm actually quite flattered. Hope you find someone who is nearly as awesome as me when he's peeing!

Oh right almost forgot Midsummer! "Celebrated" it with good friends at the house of the woman who created Mini. Later we went to Medusa (where else?) I'm not gonna say much more but instead I'm giving you a videolink! Enjoy!

Before I stop writing I just want to say fuck you to some people who deserves, hopefully you know who you are. Also I want to give another thank you to the friends who keeps me from total breakdown, I really REALLY hope you know who you are!

   This is Captain Awesome - Signing out