Greetings and salutations!
Today has been a hellish day, my body is torturing me to death. As if that wasn't enough I had to talk about stuff that I don't wanna talk about, things I don't wanna remember, things I wanna forget.. For an hour.. just talking about the absolute crappiest events in my life. NOT AWESOME! Hope something a bit more awesome will come out of it sometime...
Anyhoo fuck that shit. Since my last post I haven't done anything stupid (yet) but I'm gonna share a story that happened a few days ago. Quite the awesome prank I must say, totally improvised but still awesome. Sit down and grab a cup of tea, kamomill as always! Is it kamomill in english? Think so but sounds weird... anyway.. Sit the hell down and read dammit!
Alright a few days ago I was at home, bored (again.. suprise) and didn't think of anything exciting to do. So I started calling a buddy of mine. I knew he wasn't gonna be home and very likely at his girlfriends house but hey better to be the third wheel than a wheel on a broom in a ditch somewhere right?
The bastard didn't answer the first time so I had to terrorcall him, I mean it's my right as a bored friend right? After a bunch of calls the fucker picks up the phone all pissed off. Conversation was as follows: (I'm gonna call him Bastard just to make the dialogue easy to understand)
Bastard: What!?!? I'm in the middle of something reeaaaalllyyyy good here so I damn hope this is important!
*I knew he meant sex.. QUICK DECISION!*
Awesome: Uhm yeah.. I'm outside of your apartment... Your door is open and broken, you've been robbed man
Bastard: *10 seconds of absolute silence* Guard the door I'm coming *he hangs up*
So there I am. Knowing it will take him about an hour to get home. Satisfied that I ruined an awesome happy ending for him. Boredom started to fade away. Mission accomplished!
An hour later I got a text.. followed by another one within seconds.. followed by a third... Wonder who that can be at this hour? And why is that person so eager to get hold of me? Let's find out shall we?
I'm not gonna go into details of the words he used because... well.. it would get me banned from the whole web. But the little cleaner and summed up version is here for your eyes to feast on!
"I'm gonna get you killed you damn assraping fuckface! The sex was so damn good I almost got a fucking heartattack while doing her... and you ruined it.. Hope you're happy you monkeyshiteater! The thing that pisses me off the most is that I fall for this fucking shit over and fucking over again!!!"
(yes.. the actual texts were much, much more dirty than that)
Muahahahaha suddenly the awesome evening got awesomely awesome!! After some good laughing I wrote back "Kisses". Haven't heard from him since then, 3 days now I think.
Now... who won't agree on that this prank was so damn awesome it almost makes you wanna cry?
Remind me again why I still have any friends? Miss Awesomeness tells me it's because "You're fucking Captain Awesome!!" Her words not mine... although I guess I would have said it if she hadn't.
See ya later I'm gonna hit the town and party with some awesome friends! Perhaps I will get a new and awesomely juicy story to tell you after tonight? Everything is possible as long as you find that aura of awesomeness oozing around!
This is Captain Awesome - signing out
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